Squeaky Wheel
by flyingpiggies
Summary: A particular event shall be detailed. A very peculiar DATE, to be more exact...Raven finds Terra irritating at best but when she gets stuck to her, Raven must follow Terra around on her date with Beast Boy. Terror ensues.


A/N1: My gosh, what does one do when the plotbunnies have committed suicide and all of one's brain cells go cuckoo? Write a torture story, of course!

And what does one do when that story mysteriously disappears? Re-post it!

A/N2: Let me tell you folks, playing the third wheel is possibly the worst kind of torture ever known to man. Take it from my personal experience: Being dragged off to the mall, and being forced to watch your friend make-out with some guy, takes a toll on you. So what does an enraged goddess do? Why take out the frustration on Beast Boy of course.

Slight AU-Terra did not join Slade. Or if you're just a devote maniac who simply cannot bear my faint distortion of the actual events, think of it as 'Terra did not join Slade...yet.'

Ah, a wonderful morning! As you probably know from years of carefully avoiding the mystery meat at school cafeterias, every bad-guy fighting day begins with a good, nutrition-balanced breakfast. And what makes the procession of breakfast foods, the parade of milk and cereal balanced? Why, a large of variety of foods is always required during a feeding frenzy, much less when the great meal is consumed by Jump City's finest superheroes. After all, they do need their strength when fighting crime and doing whatever metahumans do.

But who says breakfast itself isn't a battlefield?

"Yo Rae, pass the syrup! Gonna kick me some bad ass, starting with these pancakes!" Cyborg made a lunge for the blessed pancakes, yet to be tainted by Beast Boy's soy cubes and tofu evil of course.

It was another wonderful day in his wonderful city and everything was so wonderful because the horrible meat protestor was not yet awake for the wonderful morning meal. This insured no tofu bacon, no soy ribs...In short, no fake meat. Odd really, the green changeling was usually up and cheery by seven. Funny, it's not like he was putting on make up, or sprucing for anyone special...

Cyborg nearly kicked himself. Of course, today was B.B's big date. How could he have forgotten?

You see, superheroes are really not different from normal kids. Sure, they have lasers coming out of their eyes or could vaporize half the planet with their demonic powers, or could talk to the salmon at local fish stores, but deep down, superheroes are just the same. They make mistakes, they do stupid things and they have the need to meet other people and go one dates.

Today, it was Beast Boy's turn to realize the wonders of dating. Despite what he may say, Gar Logan wasn't particularly the biggest ladies man and he found himself extremely lucky to have caught the eye of a certain blonde earthmover. In fact, he was in the bathroom this very minute, trying on various crazy outfits.

Anyways, Cyborg was glad B.B. had rubbed off some of his robotic coolness and scored with Terra. It meant that Cyborg could have the game station controls all to himself. That gave him a whole days worth to do some major damage to Beast Boy's high score records. Poor green guy, Cyborg always thought Gar had a crush on Raven and he did, until Raven through him out the window and kept him from morphing as he fell down.

Luckily, Beast Boy landed in the lake. But then he caught a cold.

Terra's appearance was probably just as well, it wasn't like B.B. was going anywhere with Raven. Still, Cyborg could swear sometimes his goth teammate sounded almost jealous. Cyborg chuckled at the thought. Raven? Jealous? Such insanity was probably provoked by the lack of pancakes. Brushing aside his morning musings, Cyborg dove for the luscious pancake stack.

The result of his pancake rush was possibly the biggest face-plant in the history of face-plants...and the greatest downpour of syrup ever made.

"Oops." Grinning sheepishly, Cyborg dug into his wonderful morning wonder of wondrous pancakes. (Have to top using that word!) Vigorous thinking about pairing between the Titans almost resulted in extreme hunger. Patting his stomach, Cyborg made a mental note to let Robin cook more often. Who knew the boy wonder was a chief? Was that kid good at everything? Catching Raven's glare of death, Cyborg also made a note to avoid the not so wonderful looking goth as it would make his wonderful day not as wonderful.

At the splash of syrup, Starfire's eyes became heart shaped. She had been quite disappointed that her morning supply of mustard was cut short due to the fact Mustard Mart had filed for bankruptcy. She perked up at her new discovery of pancake syrup. "Ooh! This sticky fantasy surely must be related to my beloved condiment, yes? Friends, I shall fetch the straws!"

Apparently, she has not yet caught on to Earth's dietary customs, the return trip to Tamaran may have dulled her ingestion instincts. Still, there are those on earth who don't care about what they eat, so long as the said food is handy for consumption and digestible. There are also those who are in too much of a hurry to care about what they eat as long as it's something.

Terra would perhaps belong both these categories. Her date with Beast Boy was really stressing her out. She liked him and all, but that didn't mean she wasn't nervous. Like many among the female population, when Terra got nervous, she looked to food as a stress-reliever. How unfortunate for the Titans.

Terra grinned, "No need for straws Star, KALABUNGA!"

The blonde grabbed a plate and dove in much to the disgust and annoyance of Raven who had been watching her out of the corner of her eye. Great. First Cyborg, then Terra. When would the misery of breakfast end? Terra's sudden desire for breakfast surfing is quite unfortunate for the lovely Raven. She had only just gotten the syrup out of her hair when she found herself in the wrath of another tidal wave. This day just kept getting better and better. Arming herself with a telepathic wall, Raven blocked off the first set of syrup waves only to be bowled over by the next set.

"On my planet such hunger would commemorate the gorging one's intestines." Starfire watched with fascination as the blonde plowed through the Special-K, yogurt, bananas, and coffee pot, nearly taking a hunk out of the table as she swerved around, wolfing down ham, eggs, bacon, and barbeque ribs. Gliding past Starfire, she swallowed ketchup, week-old sushi, and jelly beans before washing everything down with herbal tea. Ending her magnificent feast with a loud burp, Terra proceeded to swallow the remaining syrup, patting her belly with satisfaction.

"Whoa, slow down Terra." Robin backed away from the gobbling blonde, "What's the rush?"

"Can't talk. Gotta jam!" And with that, she sped up the stairs with the looks of awe and surprise from the other Titans.

Again, like many females of the human species, Terra had underestimated the amount of time for getting ready. Sure, she only had a few outfits, but trying it on the day before proved that she had grown out of it a little and her jeans were worn and faded. The mirror also wasn't flattering in the slightest and left her to wonder whether Beast Boy noticed that she was skinny as a stick. Most of the other Titans took eating to be the most sacred of rituals. Take Cyborg for instance, he had eggs, brisket, meatloaf, and a side of roast all for the first course of breakfast the previous day. She had wondered whether she needed to gain some weight, maybe finally get the curves Starfire and Raven had.

Terra had spent most of the night pondering over what was summed up in that previous paragraph. While she knew people just didn't get fatter over night she thought she might as well as try since she was trying to get the attentions of a certain green-skinned boy. That new bit of insight led to the episode at breakfast which was not only completely unsuccessful but had made her powers even more jumpy. Having bolted from the kitchen, she decided to burn off some of her energy. Somewhere between the lifting weights, running the treadmill, tearing up the obstacle course, and knocking the stuffing out of the punching bag, she made a mental note to never try binge eating again.

Had Terra been thinking clearly and not listening to the silly butterflies in her stomach, she would have realized that after spending an hours in the practice room, trying to settle her nerves, she would be sweaty and gross and in the need of a shower. Luckily, the building company who designed Titans Tower wasn't very original. After laying the plans for a room for each of the individual Titans, the control room, the evidence room, the kitchen, and the living room, the contractors had no idea what else to make the other hundred rooms so quite a few were devoted to bathrooms.

Figuring there had to be a couple free bathrooms, Terra set out on a quest to find a shower and preferably a few bottles of flower-smelling shampoo. Grabbing a towel, she started on the first floor only to remember that the extremely nice bathroom there had been taped off with a couple good yards of yellow tape.

She sighed mentally. About a week ago Cyborg had tried to flush down B.B.'s tofu delight instead of eating it. The robot planned on sneaking out for burgers later but unfortunately, the tofu clogged up the toilet, making the entire pipe system on the first floor explode.

Annoyed, she headed back for the second floor. The second floor bathroom was tucked neatly into a corner and had a great spa and Jacuzzi. Terra was actually looking forward to chilling there until she heard a blast of awful singing, no doubt either Robin or Beast Boy yodeling in the bathroom.

Growing ever more frustrated, Terra got back into the elevator. Surely the third floor bathroom had to be available. That bathroom wasn't too shabby either. Cyborg had wired up the bathroom with an anti-shock stereo system that was truly loud enough to blow one's clothing off. It came in handy too, seeing as how Cyborg had equipped the bathroom with a pool-sized hot tub. Terra was about to open the door when the squeaky whistling on the other side led her to the conclusion that Cyborg was on the loo.

So that brought her onto the fourth floor, Raven's domain.

By some strange magic, she found herself being pulled out of the elevator and down a dark corridor. Terra glanced around nervously, the hallway way too spooky for her liking but with some impeccable stroke of luck, she found a door leading to, of all things, a bathroom. And to make things even better, there wasn't any noise of singing, yodeling, or whistling! The entire floor seemed to be deserted.

Of course, Terra didn't quite see what the big deal with Raven was. Yeah, Raven was kinda creepy, unfeeling, and so pale it reminded her of Uncle Albert's ankles, but hey, sharing wouldn't kill her, right? Terra weighted the two options in her mind. One, she could forgo the use of the dark girl's bathroom and be late for her date, or two, she could risk it and take a quick shower and no one would ever know.

Assured by the ever persistent tick of the clock, Terra took a deep breath and entered the gloomiest bathroom she had ever laid eyes on. For the next several chapters of this fabulously brilliant story (heh), the blonde will be wishing she had not.

You see, when a certain piggy is bloated with something other than chocolate (anger), she often sees a need to torture others. Poor Terra, the wheel of misfortune just happened randomly to pick her. By will of some invisible power, Terra walked in on Raven, lounging in her own lavender scented bath with a book of poems in hand, no doubt.

You couldn't blame Raven really. After all, she did get pummeled by two tidal waves of pancake syrup and like any other normal person might, she took to the sanctuary of her bathroom. She had planned to soak for a bit longer and then maybe travel to another dimension where annoying immature pancake diving and surfing persons did not exist.

Her plans were changed drastically when Terra barged in on her. Certainly, that was the last straw.

Raven glared, "We need to talk." After the catastrophe at breakfast, this was clearly a war that would out gore both World Wars. Those still oblivious were warned of the impending fight by the Tower shaking as faint "eep" could be heard.

Terra couldn't believe her luck. This was possibly the worst day of her life, if it wasn't for Beast Boy, she was going to cancel their date together, who knew what else would go wrong.

First not getting any sleep, then eating all of the food at breakfast, next ripping up the obstacle course and possibly costing the Titans a few thousand dollars, she just had to walk in on Raven, of all people. And before she knew it, she was feeling all dizzy since Raven pulled one of those shadow portals on her and traveled three stories down to the living room. Now, Terra was surrounded by a circle of Titans all of which were curious and really to dodge in case Raven displayed another show of anger.

Raven was never one to yell but when she did get angry, a strange aura of black flames erupted around her, and Terra was pretty sure she wasn't going to win a fight even if the argument was going to be strictly verbal. After all, so far this had been one sided with Raven doing all the talking, but mostly glaring menacingly as if willing Terra's nose to turn lopsided.

Like now for example, Terra shrunk a few inches in her chair as dark blue eyes narrowed at her. Raven was in the process of explaining Terra's transgression to the others and Robin shivered, Raven was almost good enough to rival Batman when it came to intimidation. Terra had tried valiantly to defend herself, but sadly to no avail.

"Okay, I'm like right here! You don't have to talk about me like I don't exist. And I'm not some dog that's misbehaved, if you have something to say, then say it to my face. Stop doing your freaky glaring thing." Her eyes glinted dangerously and Terra stuck her hands on her hips in an effort to look threatening. Hopefully, Raven would back down and not try to bite her head off.

Here, effort is the key word. You think Terra would have learned with the bathrooms that she is messing a with force not to be reckoned with.

"This is directed at whoever is inclined to listen," Raven replied coolly. Quite frankly she had gotten enough of Terra the past few days strutting around the tower, writing love notes to Beast Boy and all. It was bad enough to have the blonde's incessant giggling interrupt her meditation, which explained the black flames.

"Give her a chance Rae, you haven't even heard her side of the story yet. Terra wouldn't have done that on purpose. She probably didn't know where she was going. She's pretty new still, you know. It's not her fault!"

Raven hissed, "I find that hard to believe."

The blonde flashed her eyes angrily. The injustice of it all tumbled over her in a way quite similar to being metaphorically doused with pancake syrup. Who was Raven to blame her and humiliate her before everyone in the Tower? It was an honest mistake, why couldn't Raven just let her say sorry and get over it?

Terra frowned, "Everything's always my fault, I can't do anything right, and you're better than all of us, okay? So just lay off, Raven. I already said sorry."

Starfire, who had began to hide behind Cyborg when Raven's fire aura nearly burnt a hole into the floor, yelped as a feather-stuffed cushion exploded. Why did her friends have to fight?

"That's not good enough!"

Beast Boy growled, "There's a problem with everyone, huh Raven? Why can't you just give her a chance? Terra already apologized!"

"Apologies are meaningless." Raven's gaze bore holes into his head, "Terra did something wrong. She's not sorry for doing it. She's sorry because she got caught. She apologized because she's afraid of the consequences. She's using you to hide behind. Fear is spinelessness."

"I'm not hiding!" Terra shoved Beast Boy out of the way, "Do you ever think that maybe you're the problem? That people aren't scared of you, that they just avoid you because they don't like you? I'm not afraid of you and I don't care what you think about me because I have friends like Beast Boy that will stand behind me no matter what. What do you have, those creepy books that you read? Or that dark room you hide in so much because you're the one that's scared?"

"Yeah, Raven. I guess you're the invertebrate around here," Beast Boy added, his eyes defiant. In a lighter situation, one might laugh at the ridiculousness of his reply.

Shattering, the window rained down on them. Raven was an impeccable calm, her voice preserving its cold and unfeeling monotone. "You and Beast Boy belong together. You may not be a dog, Terra, but sometimes similarities can cross species."

It was then that Starfire knew a spoonful of pudding each was required. On her planet, such arguments of such magnitude where not easily forgiven. The pudding of friendship was the only cure. Unfortunately rare ingredients were hard to come by and there wasn't enough time to travel to Tamaran for them! If her friends continued their dispute than surely they would invite the Rekmas!

Princess Koriandr' of Tamaran, her imperial highness, most definitely would not allow her friends to drift apart! Her lack of ingredients of course, called for improv, something Starfire was very good at whenever she prepared recipes. A dash of orange juice, crusts of month-old pastrami, and a bit of barnacles found themselves being shoved into the blender.

The odious mixture came out just as Raven and Terra each spun their heel, ready to walk away in silent fury. Starfire rushed over, waving the bowl frantically, readily to force the substance into their mouths if needed when suddenly...

SPLAT!

She tripped over one of Beast Boy's chew toys and the entire bowl fell from her hands. The grayish mess somersaulted through the air, a large glob of pudding landing on Raven and Terra. As if by will of some alien glue, they were stuck together. Certainly the new development induced much annoyance on both parties.

Calmly watching the blonde's efforts to tackle the sticky mass off her, Raven was grim. "Okay Terra. I don't like you and you don't like me. So it is in our best interests to try to work together and separate ourselves."

"Fine by me." Terra's hands glowed yellow and a large spike of rock pierced the floor in attempt to slice the glue in half. Somehow, the glue had a rubbery quality and would not budge.

Raven tried next, trying to mentally separate each disgusting molecule Starfire had dumped in but to not avail, the pudding had evolved too much to be destroyed by telepathy or the black flames that were burning almost white by now, one could tell Raven was really pissed. Knowing better than to risk the destruction of the world, the others wisely decided to help them. Cyborg brought out the big guns and unloaded into the grayish substance but the bullets kept bouncing back so Robin didn't dare try a bird-a-rang on it.

Starfire looked extremely distressed as she tried her best to dislodge the pudding with her super strength only to be flung into the wall. It seemed that the gelatin could reflect any physical attack straight back, and Star flopped to the floor. If not even the creator of such madness can stop it, then the Titans are truly doomed. At least she's gotten her wish, no amount of Rekmas could separate Raven and Terra now.

"Oh, friends!" She cried in despair, "What are we to do?"

"My ocular implant says Star was messing with some potent stuff. Might have caused some freaky molecular bonding," Cyborg scratched his head. "I dunno guys...Never fool around with pastrami."

"I'll run a few electrodes through it and manipulate the charges. Maybe our supermagnet will have some sort of effect and pull the two sides apart." Robin offered, pulling by a scan and setting it on standby with his titan communicator. If he didn't get Terra and Raven away from each other, he knew there was going to be hell to pay.

"And risk altering our biological components? Or swapping our brains?" Terra yelled, at this point the whole lack of sleep and absurdity of the situation was taking a toll on her.

"Nah, that wacky theory only exists in two such places. One) Sci-fi conventions and Two) Beast Boy's world." Cyborg poked the disgusting goo, "We'd have better chances neutralizing it, man."

Robin frowned, "It'll take some time."

"Dude, No!" Beast Boy charged the alien glue, hoping that some celestial force would kindly favor his green skin and for the love of tofu free his beloved of the nasty substance. But nope, a certain pagan goddess is in a bad mood and needs someone to take it out on. Tough. "What about my date?"

"You'll just have to cancel, B-dog."

"But you don't understand! WE CAN'T CANCEL!" Despite all the terrible omens Garfield Logan was still hoping to make the date happen. Terra cheered up for a bit at the thought that Beast Boy was still willing to date her each with a broody goth witch attached to her but then was extremely bummed. Now Terra wouldn't be able to go out on a date for the rest of her life. She could never dare to bring the temperamental Raven along and there was no way she was going to any depressing cafes.

Raven was thinking along the same lines. Maybe she could cross dimensions to separate herself. Unfortunately, Terra lacked the mental ability to open portals or enter other worlds. There was a high possibility the earth mover might lose an arm or leg, something Raven wouldn't mind risking given current conditions. Raven growled in frustration when she found two pairs of puppy eyes staring at her.

It was the look that read please-let-us-go-on-our-date-even-if-it-means-coming-yourself. She sighed, so long nice book of poems and meditation candles. She would rather be do anything than play the third wheel and she made a list in her head—go ice skating with Mumbo, work at a pet store with incredibly cute bunnies, be eaten by Beast Boy the whale...

Feeling extremely annoyed, Raven sighed and yielded, after all it was only Beast Boy and Terra. How bad could it be?

A/N Ok, originally posted under florescentllama's account but it disappeared magically when the phantom of the hams appeared. So now it's on the account of yours truly. Have to give florescentllama credit though, she did help me edit! Yea florescentllama!


End file.
